Metro Complaints

If you already know me (and I assume so, since you're reading this), then you already know that I take the Washington DC Metro. If you don't know me, then what the hell are you doing reading a stranger's blog? Pervert.

In a similar fashion as Ed's Don't Block The Box post, I offer these few kind words to the commuters on the Metro.

1. Don't stick your arm in the doors after you hear the chime. You had your chance to get on the train. Please don't make every person on the train wait for you, you self-important ass.

2. Don't stand in the doors unless you plan on getting off the next time those doors open. You're just blocking the way for all the other people trying to get to/from their destinations.

3. For those of you that have those roller computer bags, please pick them up when you're in the station or on the train. That damn thing you're dragging behind you is tripping other people, rolling over my toes, and generally making the traffic flow a mess. You can stand to carry your bag for 15 feet to the escalator. This is very important during rush hour, but not as vital in slower times of the day.

4. Have your fare card/SmarTrip card ready when you get to the fare gate. It's not a surprise that you have to PAY when you get to your destination; the gates aren't new - they're the same in every station in the Metro system. Do us all a favor and be proactive about moving through the turnstyles.

5. And please, Please, PLEASE, STAND ON THE RIGHT, WALK ON THE LEFT. This is common escalator courtesy for those of us who want to sprint up the escalator to catch the train already on the platform. This also means keeping your kids, bags, luggage on the right side as well.

If you already observe these rules, you get a gold star for Metro etiquette. Congrats.

If you don't observe these rules, you should be snapped in the ass with a wet towel.